Embracing a New Era of Motherhood for the New Era of Mothers

This month, I was lucky enough to speak to The Mummy Psychologist, Katie Lazaris.

Katie spoke about how in our modern society, the image of the “perfect mother” or the “good mother” is featured across social and mainstream media, perpetuating these ideals in our minds. I will post more on this interview later, but it really got me thinking about how we find ourselves in this New Era of Motherhood and how we can adjust and understand it’s demands and context, without burning out.

Sometimes just understanding and discussing the landscape out loud, can help with accepting it.

Images of manicured mothers holding their new babies accompany sentiments such as “This is a love I have never felt before”. While that is a wonderful sentiment for some, you have to question whether this constant portrayal fosters a culture where new mothers feel immense pressure to meet these sometimes unattainable standards both in how they should look and how they should feel, often leading to feelings of isolation and inadequacy when their experiences don't align with this idealised “perfect” vision.

The Challenge: Unrealistic Expectations and Isolation

The journey into motherhood is filled with challenges that many women are not adequately prepared for. A huge emphasis is placed on birth, with mothers spending hundreds of dollars to complete birthing classes and deck out nurseries their babies will likely not even sleep in for the first few months. We have lost the sisterhood, the village of grandmothers, mothers and aunts who used to pass on and support mothers in their birth. The innate wisdom and confidence women held in both birth and postpartum. 

Women are pushed in and out of maternity hospitals with procedures and protocols and sometimes lack the empathy and understanding needed to truly honour the profound life transition they have just experienced.

This, along with the fact that never before in history have we had more women in the workforce who also hold the majority of household duties and carry most of the invisible load creates a challenge our world has never seen before. 

We have this huge population of high-achieving women, who have worked hard and found success aligns with the amount of effort they put forth. Unfortunately, the amount of effort you put into breastfeeding doesn’t always make it any less pain free. Effort in motherhood does not equal success. 

The pervasive message that mothers must handle everything alone, combined with a lack of comprehensive support systems - and look good while doing it- exacerbates this issue. Grandparents aren’t always available to help (many of whom still work, or just enjoy having their own lives), many live far away, community ties are frequently weak, and government assistance can be truly insufficient, inaccessible or ineffective. These factors leave mothers feeling unsupported and overwhelmed, making it difficult for them to even seek help or meaningful answers. As a result, many new mothers struggle with the unexpected difficulties of motherhood, feeling as though they are failing when they can't meet society and their own, unrealistic expectations. The innate drive for perfectionism takes hold and shame and guilt creep in. 

The Impact: Physical, Emotional, and Mental Strain

The glorification of maternal sacrifice contributes to severe physical, emotional, and mental health challenges for many mothers. Constant shame and guilt, feelings of inadequacy, and the pressure to meet impossible standards can lead to conditions such as postpartum depression and anxiety. While in Australia it is reported that 1 in 5 Mothers experiences Postpartum Depression, when I did my own survey, 50% of the mothers I asked experienced this. Moreover, the lack of time and space for self-care further aggravates these issues, preventing mothers from recovering and thriving during this critical period. 

Reconnecting with Natural Rhythms and Support

From the start of time, women have navigated motherhood with the support of close-knit communities. This communal support provided a wealth of shared knowledge and practical help, ensuring that no woman had to face the challenges of motherhood alone. Today, reclaiming this sense of community and support is crucial. Building a support network may seem daunting, but it is essential for the well-being of both the mother and her family.

An example of this is the way women’s menstrual cycles match up to those other women they are close with.

A New Approach to Motherhood

At Borne, we believe in redefining the postpartum experience by providing a supportive and nurturing environment for new mothers. Our retreat offers a sanctuary where mothers can focus on their recovery and well-being, free from the pressures of daily life. By offering comprehensive wellness programs, personalised care, and a community of support, we aim to transform the postpartum journey.

The Path Forward: Prioritising Maternal Well-Being in a Mother-Centric Environment

Changing the narrative around motherhood from one of isolation and exhaustion to one of support and self-care is essential. By prioritising the well-being of mothers, we can create a healthier, more balanced approach to motherhood. A well-supported and nourished mother is better equipped to care for her family, contributing to a stronger and more vibrant society. It is our belief that a mother who is nurtured will have a family who thrives. 

At Borne, our mission is to lead this change by demonstrating the importance and effectiveness of comprehensive postpartum care. By fostering a culture that values and supports mothers, we can ensure that every woman has the opportunity to thrive during this transformative period.

It's time to shift our perspective on motherhood and embrace a new era where support and self-care are at the forefront. By doing so, we can create a more positive and empowering experience for all mothers, ultimately benefiting families and society as a whole.

Love,

Avalon
Founder, Borne